Vet speeches

Put me to sleep

There's a story in my family about my cousin Amy (a stellar human being, if you're seeing this: Hi Amy!) coming up to my Aunt Francis (an equally stellar human being from WAY back) when she was feeling badly, and asking what the bottle of pills was for.

"Those are to put me to sleep," Francis said.

Amy had exactly one experience with "put me to sleep" and it was with a pet dog. It took a while to console her enough to explain the misunderstanding.

Early Bird

Early Bird

You know, there are certain jokes that I feel are positively iconic...

Two racehorses are complaining about their lives and a dog passing by says "Pssh, you guys have it easy" and one horse says, "Wow, look, a talking dog!"

One penguin comments to another, "Hey, I never noticed before but you look like you're wearing a tuxedo!" and the other penguin says "Who says I'm not?"

I feel that way about this cartoon. You probably knew that... you really get me. ☺

Last Year on April 1…

I love that with the movable feast of Easter always being on Sunday and with April Fool's Day always on April 1, I was around to see them coincide. And I made this highly ouroboric joke. ☺

April Resurrection

My favorite bits: The little wisps of smoke over their heads at the end when it was all a... prank? But it can't have been a prank because it happened but then it... Well, anyway it's a standard cartoon sign of "miffed" and it echoes the "tongues of flame" so popular among the pentecostals.

And the other bit is the G in OMG being "illuminated". ☺

20121221

This is a blast from the past, of course, so in case you’re not sure what’s going on here: According to interpretations of the brilliantly complex and accurate Mayan calendar system, there were no days after 12 21 2012. Or rather, the clock started over. So we freaked out, what did they know? Yikes! Doom of Biblical proportions! It was as if we saw midnight approaching and said OH MY GOD THERE’S NO TIME AFTER THAT! WE ALREADY USED UP  One O’ Clock!!!

(The world DOES end on December 21 2012, but only for the Mayans.)

Anyway, never people to miss an opportunity to turn the whole planet into The Poseidon Adventure, Hollywood made a movie with John Cusack that was arguably the most relentless thrill ride ever; they didn’t set foot on ground that didn’t fall out from under them and burst into radioactive flames. It was like they re-shot Star Wars only the whole thing was two hours of flying the Milennium Falcon through the asteroid field. It was in fact a pretty good movie, even the plot parts.

Real timekeeping is unique. Knowing the pattern that could let you know the future is seductive, but it’s not in the numerology.